


watching you drown

by charjace



Series: it's a dark place without you [12]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV 2020)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Gen, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-24 21:14:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30078420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charjace/pseuds/charjace
Summary: “Did you know they told everyone I’m not allowed to hold my own daughter,” Luke spoke with a huff, glaring up at Alex.“Yeah. I did, and honestly... I think they’re right. I didn’t want to believe it, but,” Alex says, “You’re being a dick again. Be honest... are you drinking again?”alex watching luke drowning his sorrows
Relationships: Alex Mercer & Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms)
Series: it's a dark place without you [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2154378
Kudos: 5





	watching you drown

Something was going on with Luke, that much was clear to Alex. He was chalking it up to the stress of becoming a parent at such a young age. But everyone’s made sure to let him know that they have his support. Everyone was going to be there for him and Morgan and their child when the child arrives. Alex supposes he noticed it more clearly one night when he got a drunken call from Luke in the middle of the night begging to be picked up from the party.

Sighing, Alex climbed out of his bed, threw on his hoodie and slipped on his shoes. Quietly making his way out of the house, his parents were asleep and so was his sister. Or well, he thought because just as he opened the door to head out a light flashed in his face. His sister was looking at him with a raised eyebrow, “Sneaking out to meet the boyfriend?” She teases, a smile upon her lips.

She was the only one who didn’t judge him for who he liked, the only reason he stays here – he's looking to move out as soon as he can now that he’s eighteen. “No. I’m picking up Luke. He’s drunk.”

“Again? Is...  he okay?” His sister asks, and Alex could see the worry on her face that was visible due to the light coming from her phone.

“I’m not sure. It’s just, I think he’s still trying to process everything,” Alex admits, he doesn’t want to force Luke to talk about things he isn’t ready for – but, it’s been growing harder to do so, when  _ he _ wants to talk about them himself. “I might end up staying with him, so c-”

“Of course. Now,  _ please _ go make sure he’s okay,” She says before turning and heading towards her bedroom. He leaves, and goes to the address Luke had told him.

When he had gotten there, someone was breaking up a fight, and one seemed to be Luke who was being pulled away by someone, and someone was holding back the person he was fighting with. This promptly got Alex out of the car so quickly, and he ran towards his friend.

“I told you _ don’t fucking touch me _ you fucking asshole,” Luke yelled, and Alex looked at the other guy who had brought his hand up to his face – blood was starting to pour out of his nose. 

Alex steps in front Luke, gaining his attention. “I’ve got him. I’m taking him home,” Alex tells the guy holding onto Luke. He let’s go of Luke, which Luke was quick to try and go at the guy who seemed to be the person his rage was aimed out. Luckily for Alex, he caught his friend in time, using his strength to hold him back from attacking.

“Yeah, go home you fucking pansy,” The other guy yelled, and Alex felt Luke try and surge forward as Alex started moving them back towards his car. 

Opening up his car door, he boxes Luke so he’s forced to go  _ into _ his car. Luke huffed as he got into the car, sighing, Alex closed the door, and climbed into the driver's seat. He drove them to Luke’s home, “Luke? Are you okay?” Alex asks once they’re a few blocks away from the party.

“Yeah,” The answer was short, “Dickhead just tried to fucking touch me. I told him  _ fucking _ no, called you. Asshole followed me out. Grabbed my fucking  _ ass _ so I punched him.”

Alex would  _ like _ to say that was the last time he saw his friend drunk, and violent – but it wasn’t. Luke was slowly becoming hostile towards  _ everyone _ , including him. It hurt deep down, but Alex had put on a brave face as he left Luke’s place that day. They had just been celebrating the fact that Alex had been accepted into his school of choice, but Luke had been pretty short with him all evening. So, once they were in Luke’s room, Alex asked, “Dude, what is your problem?”

“Nothing,” The word spoken in a huff, and he watched as his friend pulled out a box from under his bed.

“There seems to be an issue, you’ve  _ barely _ spoken a word to me and this was  _ your _ idea,” Alex retorts.

“Actually, it was my  mother's thank you very much,” Luke shoots back, and Alex sees that the box that Luke pulls out is one full of beer. Alex shudders at the thought of warm beer, he’d been to a few house parties with the boys and the beer tasted so much better when cold. Though, still wasn’t Alex’s favourite taste in the world. 

“Still doesn’t explain why you’ve been acting like a  _ dick _ ,” Alex says, crossing his arms against his chest as he looks at his friend, worry etching his features as he sees his friend down practically half a bottle of beer in a go. Then, a question pops into his mind, and memories of how Luke has been while drunk (he hadn’t  _ always _ been that  way; but now it seems to be  common) . “A-Are you  _ drunk _ right now?”

Luke scoffed, rolling his eyes “Oh don’t take that fucking tone with me. You’re leaving me.”

“What the  _ hell _ Luke? I’m just going to  _ college _ , here, in  _ LA _ you dumbass,” Alex thinks he might need to talk with Luke’s parents, see if they’ve noticed this behaviour too. He needs to know if he’s not the only one to notice the changes in his best friend.

“You’re ditching the band,  _ just like him.”  _

“Ditching the...  _ Luke _ ! We haven’t had band practice in  _ months _ , not a proper one at least. It’s been hard, I get it.  But, he didn’t _ ditch _ us Luke! He was suffering, and did something he thought would stop it,” Alex replies, trying to keep his calm. He thinks all of Luke’s emotions are bubbly to the surface and they can’t get through them if they’re both yelling at each other. Yes, Alex would have liked it if Reggie had  _ talked _ to either of them about it, but life wasn’t always so straight forward or pretty.

“He  _ left us!”  _ Luke yells, standing in front of Alex and the blond can  _ smell _ the alcohol on his friend’s breath. Luke pushes at his shoulder, “He fucking left us Alex! How are you so  _ fine _ with that!”

“I’m  _ not _ . I still miss him every  _ fucking day _ Luke! Which  _ you would know _ if you fucking talked to me about it, about  _ him _ other then you miss him. We all miss him, Luke. He was my best friend  _ too _ , don’t fucking forget that. There are days I can barely make it through the day without thinking of him,” He really is trying to keep his voice calm, but it’s getting harder.

“It seems that since you meet  _ Willie _ you’ve forgotten about him,” Luke says with a scoff, “You barely go into the band space. You-”

“Fuck you! If this is what you’re going to be like... I don’t want it. Luke, this isn’t you. Call me when your sober,” Alex says with finality before walking out of Luke’s room. Walking past Luke’s parents who looked at him with worry in their eyes. He did his best to not let too much emotions spread across his features as he left to get in his car.

In his car, he drove a few blocks away before pulling over and breaking down crying. Alex was scared, would he end up losing Luke as well? He isn’t sure if he’d be able to handle that too. Losing Reggie was hard enough, and if he ends up losing Luke too, Alex thinks that would just break him to a point where he could never be fixed. Tomorrow, he’ll have a talk with Morgan and see if they’ve noticed the change in behaviour, then with Luke’s parents.

Everyone seemed to have noticed how snippy Luke had been getting over the last few months. Morgan had noted that they often smelt alcohol coming from Luke, and Emily stated how she noticed her son’s behaviour was  _ grossly _ not the boy she knew. They’ve all tried to get him to talk, but they were meet with harsh words and glares. Now, Luke was sitting in the chair in his parents living room with his arms crossed against his chest as he glared at everyone.

“You’re going to sit there and  _ listen _ ,” His mother stated, crossing her arms against her chest to match that of her son’s posture.

“Whatever,” Luke scoffed, rolling his eyes.

Luke’s father comes out of the hallway, with a box of beer and Willie was behind him with a garbage bag that rattled of empty bottles. Luke sat up straight, sending a glare towards everyone in the room. Alex wanted to flinch away, but Morgan placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. Mitch placed the beer on the coffee table, and there was worry on his features as he looked towards his son.

“We’re worried Luke,” Morgan says, using a soft voice. “You’re... drinking a lot. Like, a lot.”

“So what?” Luke says in retort, shrugging his shoulders.

“And, we’re scared Luke. I’m scared of losing you,” Alex starts, and he feels tears forming in his eyes as he looks at his friend who found the ground  _ suddenly _ interesting. “I feel like I  ** am ** losing you. I already lost  _ one _ best friend; I can’t lose you too. You... you were so kind, loving and full of  _ life _ , then...”

“You started drinking, and it’s like a switch flipped,” Emily says, finding her voice. “You’re just so angry all the time. That’s not my baby boy.”

“I’m  _ not _ a baby anymore,” Luke mumbles.

Emily walks over to her son, bending down to cup his cheek in her hand. “I know sweetie. You blossomed into this wonderful young man, but... he goes away when you drink.”

“A young man who is going to be a father before the age of twenty, how do you not  _ hate _ that of me?” Luke asks, and Alex can see the fight has died out in Luke’s eyes. Everyone being so vulnerable with him, which left him open to it.

A soft sigh left Emily’s lips, “Because you’re my son. I love you. So, you’re having a child. I’ll be there for you if you’ll let me. So will your father, we love you. We support whatever choice you and Morgan have made, but we also back Morgan with this.”

“You need to be  _ sober _ to be near our child,” Morgan states, and Alex gives their shoulder a small squeeze. “I love and care about you Luke, but I  _ will _ put our child’s safety first – and if that means you can’t be in their life, then... it will.”

Luke eyes went wide, “I... No, okay. I’ll stop drinking. I...” Alex couldn’t tell what exactly was going through his friend’s mind but he does remember when Luke had told him about the pregnancy the first time. Luke had been scared, but he had said he had wanted to be there for the child if they decided to keep it, and he had sworn he wouldn’t end up like Alex’s parents or like Reggie’s (Luke had  _ struggled _ to get that part out). “I’m sorry. I just... It helps me forget things.”

“Like what?” Emily asks, worry on her features because what would her son want to forget.

“How I feel, it makes it go away for a while,” Luke answers.

“Oh honey,” His mother says, before pulling him into a hug and he returns it.

Luke had been sober, and he was doing  _ great.  _ He was even looking at applying for a music program, he’d have to go the next year as this year was already full and Luke said he wanted to deal with being a father first. But... then, Morgan had been the first to notice it. A slight  _ smell _ of alcohol on his breath when Zoe was around two months that made Morgan only let him  _ near _ their daughter (but even then, Morgan slowly stopped letting that happen). Luke was no longer allowed to hold  Zoe; Morgan made that  _ clear _ to everyone because they suspected Luke was drinking again. Alex noticed it a month later, when Luke said something  _ so  _ out of line that Alex had to do a double take.

His door slammed, and he quickly ran out of his room to see Luke storming his way towards his bedroom. Concerned, Alex stepped back into his room and let Luke come into his room. “Stupid bitch,” Luke grumbled, and Alex frowned at his friend’s words.

“Who are you talking about?” Alex asked curious, Luke  _ never _ spoke like that about someone they knew – so, when Luke says his answer, Alex practically short  circuits .

“Morgan.” Luke kicks at Alex’s bed, before flopping onto it as if he lived there. Which,  honestly, they were always like that around each other’s homes.

Gaining his tracks back, Alex kicks Luke in the leg, “What the  _ fuck _ .”

“Did you know they told everyone I’m not allowed to hold  _ my _ own daughter,” Luke spoke with a huff, glaring up at Alex. 

“Yeah. I did, and honestly... I think they’re right. I didn’t want to  _ believe _ it, but,” Alex says, “You’re being a dick again. Be honest... are you drinking again?”

Luke rolled his eyes, crossing his arms against his chest before standing up, “You know what,  _ fuck you too _ . Both of you.”

That was Alex’s answer, and it broke his heart as he watched as his friend walk out of his room.

Morgan was asleep in his bed, curled up and Alex had made sure to put the blankets over them to keep them warm. They had been tired a lot recently, and their parents were out of town with Morgan’s brother Chad for another movie. So, Alex offered for Morgan to come over and relax, because his parents were out of town anyway. Alex had noted how tired Morgan was and insisted that they take a nap, and that he would take care of Zoe. Luke had been getting  _ worse _ , and Emily had confined in them she was scared for her son again. Emily had been the one to suggest to stop letting her take care of Zoe, lessening the risk of Luke being near her like that. Everyone seemed to be on the same page; unless Luke stops, he won’t be near Zoe.

Everyone’s been trying to talk to him, but he keeps brushing it off or cussing them out. They all see how it hurts every time they tell him he can’t hold Zoe, or when the person holding her walks away from him. He heard the front door open, and just assumed it would be his sister so he didn’t bother going and checking. He was holding Zoe close to him as she fell asleep on his shoulder. A few moments later, he heard footsteps coming down the hall, expecting them to stop when they reached his sister’s room – he frowned slightly when they didn’t. Seconds later, Luke came into his room, with tears streaming down his face.

Alex’s heart broke at the sight, it shattered more when he noticed Luke seeing the baby in his arms and a flash of hurt spread across his features. “What’s going on?” Alex asks, worry lacing his voice as he looks at his friend.

“I want to hold her again,” Luke answers, and there is a break in his voice as he keeps his eyes on his daughter in his friend’s arm. He hears a soft sniffle, and Luke wipes at his eyes, “I... I didn’t know you would have her. I fucked up. I want to be there for her, to watch her grow up.”

“When was your last drink?” Alex questions.

Luke drops is gaze to the floor, “Three hours ago. I... I’ll look into meetings; I don’t want her to grow up and me not be there for her. I,” Luke takes a deep breath in and let’s it out quickly, “I don’t want to be the reason she  _ feels _ like Reggie did.”

“Okay. Talk to Morgan too, about this. Then, you two can discuss when you can hold Zoe next,” Alex tells Luke, who gave a small nod of his head. “Maybe tomorrow, Morgan’s been extremely tired lately, so let them rest.”

Alex motions his head for Luke to follow him out, and he does. Alex spots his sister, and she happily took hold of Zoe, so that Luke and Alex could talk on the couch.

“I hope you’re serious about this,” Alex replies, “Morgan will have  _ no _ hesitation in keeping Zoe away from you, and while we  _ love _ you, w-”

“I know. I understand. I... Need to sort through a lot of things,” Luke admits with a soft sigh, “I’m sorry Alex. I owe everyone apologies. I don’t want to lose  everyone; I can’t be alone.”

“And we can’t lose you,” Alex tells Luke, reaching for Luke’s hand and giving it a squeeze. “ _ I  _ can’t lose you. You’re my best friend. Get better is all we can ask of you, and ask of you to  _ talk _ about what you’re feeling, even if it’s a negative emotion.”

Luke nods his head lightly, “I will promise to do my best.”

“That is all I’ll ask of you.” Alex tells him with a smile, things were looking promising.


End file.
